Beginner's Mind

Wish I could take a picture of my desk right now to show you how acclimated I have made myself to this space.  This is not a great thing because I seem to take up a lot of space (good thing I have an office). 

I have a few books here (Black Reconstruction in America (of course), the Soul of Rumi, and Ella Baker and the Black Freedom Movement), my Sony boombox radio that I have had since I was 13 (I need my NPR), a dictionary, and the vase of flowers I got on my first day (love, love, love Proteus staff).  Amongst all these things is a growing liter of papers, reports, and publications.

The concept of  a self-managed work style is something I have not quite managed very well.  I am literally left to my own devices.  This is definitely a gift and a curse.  I will be very honest, I have been on facebook more than a little bit, and have highly considered deactivating my account to prevent me from engaging in this professionally destructive habit.  Although I think I would feel less guilty if it was LinkedIn that I keep open on my desktop (which I still need to set up an account).

This place is a major practice of self control and discipline; from the sweets and carbohydrates to the autonomy of work styles.  Self-managing my time and productivity is a challenge that I am conscious that I need to master, but I don’t feel completely competent in.  It is a challenge that I have come to accept I will not be able to overcome, at least not cold turkey.  I’ll need constant support internally and externally to convenience myself that I can be highly productive as well as a free spirit (that stares off in space).

Hence the topic of this reflection, a beginners’ mind - I scheduled some time for myself and the previous fellow to sit and chat.  He has been given an extension by the president to stay and continue his job search for another month or so, so I have him at my disposal to assist me with navigating this space.  Although I have not taken full advantage of his genius I did today begin to scratch the surface.

It was wonderful; he is so insightful and very appreciative for this program.  He shared with me the importance of taking these first six months to fully immerse myself in understanding this field of work called philanthropy.  He shared valuable insider information on the work flow and style of the Proteus staff.  He affirmed for me, that Proteus Fund is where to be; “it is on the cutting edge of philanthropy, funding collaborative are the future of philanthropy.”  He also reminded me to enjoy the moment and to embark upon this experience with a beginners’ mind. 

“There are a lot of things you will not know, and are not expected to know.  And if you come in here seeking to master it in six months, or two days, then what is it are you seeking to learn?” (Trellis is my new guru!!!!)

And so I breathed, and breathed again, until I felt balanced enough to know that I will master this challenge and that that mastery will not take place in two weeks or even two months, but that I must be present and everyday commit myself to learning and producing one or two things that will progress me in this field.

I am still in housing limbo.  Meg and Stephen (Meg’s husband) are on vacation and are so gracious and sweet to allow me to stay at their place and house/cat sit.  I had a great lead on an apartment that I was confident was a done deal, but found out she had the condo on the market and the realtor sold it last week L

I overcame that little disappointment by getting back on the horse and followed another lead I had.  Made an appointment to see it this Friday, but have an unsettled feeling that it’s been rented since I can’t find the post on craigslist anymore. 

Trying not to be too discouraged, I followed up on another place, but it has a realtor’s fee.  Never in all my life have I ever had to pay someone to do what I’m doing already.  I have always been able to find my own apartment without going through a realtor; well I guess there is a first for everything.  I’m just constantly reminding myself to breathe and be present.  There is not an immediate rush, and all I need is one apartment to live in, and when the right one comes it will be seamless and meant for me.

Despite my early diatribe about the work here at Proteus, it has been an amazing week!  I had an awesome training on grant making and lobbying at Proteus Fund, and phenomenal conversations with Meg and her husband about all things under the sun.  (Meg is so fabulous; she reminds me of how I could be at her age.  She is so thoughtful and considerate, and an avid student; I love her!!!!)

I went to Philly last weekend to get my cat, and Shanti (my cat) has adjusted himself quite beautifully.  A little surprised since in our previous last two moves he was not as agreeable.  He and Toey (Meg's 19year old cat) have had very minimum interactions.  The one time they engaged each other there was a lot of hissing and Shanti’s tail expanded! 

I have had a chance to explore Northampton a bit; I went yesterday to a lecture at Smith College.  Let’s just say all intellectuals are not created equal…

This has gotten a little long, but definitely helpful for me.  Look forward to talking to you all soon, and I hope you are being present and enjoying this amazing moment!!!

Peace and love